I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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