dude i'm inner monologue high
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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