K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pants are for mortals
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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