my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
