Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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