Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
