He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize