Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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