Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
