I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize