Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
