Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
