Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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