am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
