There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
