I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
