Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
