Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
