You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
