omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
