Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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