Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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