why didn't you poke me back
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
