I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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