barbara walters just said penis...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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