Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
