The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize