I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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