I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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