Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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