who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Randomize
