were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
