I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
