You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
