Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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