Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
