i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
