If i come over, it means nothing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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