just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
