So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
