6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish you could order shots online.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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