The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
MIDGETS
????
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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