Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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