My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
