great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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