This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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