my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
