god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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