i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
