Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
