You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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