So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
