I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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