yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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