Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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