Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
