She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
