I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
