Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
