garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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