im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Still dying that you shit outside
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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