I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
