i will never coherently bang her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
