I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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